163: Friendship’s Don’t Just Happen: The Qualities EVERY Friendship Needs To Thrive with Shasta Nelson
Are you ready to transform your friendships and create deeper connections? You've come to the right place! Today on the Positively You podcast, we're diving into the sometimes complicated world of friendships with the incredible Shasta Nelson, author of "Friendships Don't Just Happen."
Which is the book that we have been reading for our May 2024 Positively You Book Club pick. Get ready to discover the essential elements that make friendships flourish and learn practical tips to nurture those relationships.
Meet Shasta Nelson
Shasta Nelson is a friendship expert, author, and speaker dedicated to helping people cultivate meaningful connections. With her background as a pastor and her deep understanding of community and belonging, Shasta has become a leading voice on the importance of friendships in our lives. Her insights are invaluable, especially in a world where meaningful connections can sometimes feel elusive.
Why Friendship Matters
Friendship isn't just a nice-to-have; the science and data actually says it's a must-have for a happy and healthy life. The significance of friendships extends far beyond casual social interactions—they are fundamental to our overall well-being. Here’s a few reasons why friendship truly matters:
1. Emotional Support
2. Improved Mental Health
3. Enhanced Physical Health
4. Longevity
5. Personal Growth
6. Increased Happiness
7. Sense of Belonging
That’s a lot of benefits! We humans are inherently social beings with a deep need for connection. Friendships provide a sense of belonging and community, making us feel accepted and valued. This sense of belonging boosts our self-esteem and overall life satisfaction. Long story short: friendship is super important.
The Loneliness Epidemic
So while having friends is key to our health and happiness, in today's fast-paced, digitally connected world, we are actually dealing with a loneliness epidemic which has emerged as a significant public health concern. It’s kind of crazy that despite the myriad ways we can connect with others through social media, messaging apps, and video calls, many people report feeling more isolated than ever.
Loneliness is more than just a fleeting feeling; it's a pervasive issue that can have severe consequences on both our mental and physical health. Chronic loneliness has been linked to increased risks of depression, anxiety, and suicide. It can also lead to physical health problems such as heart disease, stroke, and weakened immune function.
The impact of loneliness is comparable to the effects of obesity or smoking, making it a critical issue that needs addressing. Understanding that loneliness is not a personal failing but a societal challenge can help us take steps to combat it. By fostering genuine connections and prioritizing meaningful interactions, we can work towards mitigating the loneliness epidemic and improving overall health and happiness.
So How Do We Move Beyond Acquaintances?
Most of of don’t need to meet more people, we need to get deeper with the people we already know. (We dive deep into Shasta’s Circles of Connectedness in the podcast episode so make sure you give it a listen)
But transitioning from acquaintances to deeper friendships can be challenging. Whether it's another parent at the soccer field or a classmate from a yoga session, making that leap can feel daunting. Shasta's advice? Create new paths of consistency. Invite them for coffee, a walk, or integrate them into other parts of your life to build a stronger connection. Yes, it’s scary to be the one to “make the first move” but it’s oh so worth it!
3 Ways to Build Stronger Friendships
In the podcast episode we dive deeper into the ‘how’ to deepen your friendships by using the Friendship Triangle which consists of three main components: Positivity, Consistency, and Vulnerability.
Start with Positivity
We all want to feel liked and appreciated. Every interaction with our friends should leave them thinking, "That was fun. She likes me. I enjoyed that." It’s as simple as a smile, a compliment, or just showing genuine interest. Positive interactions create a foundation of goodwill and warmth that can support the other elements of the friendship triangle.
Consistency is Key
Remember how easy friendships felt when we were kids? It's not because they were without drama (we all remember playground spats), but because we saw each other all the time. In adulthood, we have to be intentional about this. Schedule regular catch-ups, whether it’s a weekly phone call, a monthly coffee date, or even daily check-ins on apps like Marco Polo. Regular interactions build a sense of reliability and familiarity.
Embrace Vulnerability
Getting to know someone deeply involves sharing and listening. This doesn't mean airing all your secrets right away, but gradually learning about each other’s quirks, stories, and preferences. Ask about their day, share your thoughts, and let them see the real you. Vulnerability is about building trust and understanding over time.
Practical Steps to Deepen Friendships
Feeling inspired to take your friendships to another level? Here’s a simple action step you can do today:
Make a List: Write down the names of three to five people you want to feel closer to in the next six to twelve months.
Evaluate and Enhance: For each friend, consider which part of the friendship triangle (positivity, consistency, vulnerability) needs more attention. Is it time to plan more hangouts? Maybe sprinkle in some extra compliments? Or dive a bit deeper in your conversations?
Reach Out: Don’t wait! Send a message, make a call, or schedule a meet-up. Small steps can lead to significant improvements in your friendships.
Leveraging Technology For Good
We’re all busy, and sometimes it’s tough to meet up in person. Apps like Marco Polo or even social media can help bridge the gap. These tools allow us to stay updated on the small moments in each other’s lives, creating a sense of closeness even when we’re apart. However, don’t rely solely on digital connections—make sure to balance them with face-to-face interactions to create lasting memories.
Beyond the Screen
Think of your friendships as a beautiful tapestry. Weaving your lives together through different forms of communication—whether it’s texts, phone calls, or in-person meet-ups—creates a richer, stronger bond. Challenge yourself to find new ways to connect and deepen those ties.
Exciting News: Shasta’s Podcast
If you’re as excited about building strong friendships as I am, you won’t want to miss Shasta’s upcoming podcast, Frientimacy, launching on June 4th. Each episode features a different friend and dives into real-life friendship challenges, offering practical advice on navigating and strengthening these relationships. I can’t wait to binge-listen!
Friendships are vital to our personal growth and happiness. By focusing on positivity, consistency, and vulnerability, we can nurture connections that truly enrich our lives. So, what are you waiting for? Start building those beautiful friendships today!
~~ NEXT STEPS ~~
Ready for more positivity? Join The Positively You Personal Growth Book Club- it’s completely free! You’ll grow, connect, make new friends, gain new insights and perspective and so much more!
Connect with me on Instagram- it’s where all the fun really is and I LOVE chatting with you over there.
Connect with our guest from today: Shasta Nelson
Get the Book: Friendships Don’t Just Happen
Check out Shasta’s new podcast: Frientimacy: Finding Our Way to More Fulfilling Friendships
Loved this episode? Share is with a friend or leave a 5 Star Review on Apple
(Thanks in Advance!)
~~ OTHER EPISODES YOU’LL LOVE ~~
Ep 158: How Saying Yes and Following The Fun Can Transform Your Life
Ep 116: The Magic of REAL Vulnerability
Ep 109: Why You Should Show Up Alone