Episode 28: Dealing with FOMO, and Feelings of Envy

Todays topic is ….drumroll….FOMO and ENVY. Wow. Kind of a heavy and fully loaded topic, don’t ya think. But these are feeling and emotions that we all encounter and deal with on occasion and if you’re like, Me? Never! I’m just gonna go ahead and and say LIAR!

So sometimes we work through these feelings in healthy ways and sometimes in… not so healthy ways. Today I want to talk about these emotions and how we can take personal responsibility for them, and for our thoughts surrounding these sometimes not so fun emotions.

You know that phrase that your parents would tell you growing up, that no one can MAKE you feel anything….it’s your choice. Yup. Turns out that your parents were right, and it totally is. And part of being a grown up is understanding when you are making the choice to feel something and what you wanna do about it.

A few weeks I found myself dealing with some FOMO. Fear of Missing Out. Super fun times. Thanks to social media, FOMO is a lot easier to come by. You can be scrolling your feed and stumble upon a party or event or whatever that it seems that everyone was invited to. Except you. This is what happened to me. But the funny thing about this particular time was that I actually WAS invited to the thing, I had some things come up that prevented me from being able to attend. Even still, as posts and pictures and stories began to pop up on my feed I began to feel these feelings of feeling left out start to rise up. Instead of burying them or trying to cope by eating my feelings or in some other un-healthy way, I decided to get curious. If there is one thing that I’ve learned this past year, it’s the power of curiosity, of asking questions, and diving deeper.

Okay, actually let me back up a bit before I get to the part about me being really present and aware and in a mentally healthy state. Because I’m human and a work in progress, I wanna share how this really went down. And what I think a lot of us do.

I started to self sabotage. And what I mean by that is that I deliberately went searching for more of the thing that was making me feel bad. Messed up. Yes I know. Instead of just continuing to scroll, or heaven forbid put my phone away and get up and do something else…. I began to investigate.

Oh, who’s tagged in this photo- let’s see what her stories are like……Oh shoot, I didn’t know she would be there. Dang I’m so bummed I missed that. Oh my heck, look how fun that all looks….. more clicks, more clicks, more clicks. Until I basically was at the thing because I was so engrossed with seeking it out, and making myself feel awful for not being there.

I’m fairly certain we all do some form of this to ourselves. We follow people online or deliberately seek out accounts that make us feel less than. Or we search home decor accounts and scroll forever gathering “inspo” only to then feel like crap about our own houses. Again the same thing with fitness accounts, or makeup gurus or cooking, or……..you name it. We SEEK it out intentionally and then wonder why we feel like crap.

So this is where I was. Spiraling. Luckily I did catch myself before it got too out of control. I had to be like, “WHOA girlfriend. What the hell are you doing?” I like to refer to this process as the “check yourself before you wreck yourself” method. It’s where you have to intervene before you really do some damage, you get into a healthier head space and started asking yourself some questions about the emotions you’re feeling.

Here’s some questions you can ask yourself if you ever find yourself in a
FOMO spiral.

1. What am I feeling? Put a name to the feeling is it sadness? Anger? Resentment? Jealousy?
   I am feelings sad, left out, regretful, lonely…..

2. Why am I feeling this? Then dive a little deeper. If it’s sadness….why? What about this is making me feel sad?
   Because I miss being out with friends. This looks so fun and I need to feel that energy I get when I interact with other people.

3. Am I feeling envious of the THING or what it represents?
   

4. Can I do anything to make this happen for me?
   Sure. I can figure out a way to get together with friends. I am just as capable of organizing a night out as this person was. I can be the one to invite others.

After you’ve got these questions answered you’ll be in a better headspace to be able to feel and understand your feelings. And I think that’s one of the most important parts. To FEEL your feelings and to not shame yourself for feeling them. Sure, people say that jealousy is this toxic trait or that it’s ugly or unattractive or whatever. The LAST thing you need to be feeling on top of the FOMO or envy is GUILT for being a human and having feelings.

So sister, feel those feelings. But ask those questions so you can understand them too.

The next step is taking responsibility. And this is where I had to practice some real self restraint. I knew I could keep searching it out. I could continue to look up a hashtag or follow tagged accounts- but why? What good was that doing. I had to own up and take responsibility for my actions. Sure the first post could have been something that just popped up on my feed, but what I do after that…..that’s on me.

What can you do to take personal responsibility around your FOMO and your envious emotions?

1. GET OFF SOCIAL MEDIA! This might seem like a no- brainer. But sometimes harder said than done. Go plug in your phone, leave it in another room and go find something else to do.

2. Edit Your Social Media. When you come back on your social media take notice of the accounts/people that you follow. If you find that there are certain ones that are constantly triggering FOMO for you- take a hard look at why you are following them and maybe take a break for a minute and see how you feel. Unfollow, put accounts on mute….whatever you need to do. I know that it might seem RUDE to unfollow a friend. But here’s the thing about when you are feeling envy whenever a certain account pops up.
   Soon that envy will turn into resentment, or annoyance. You begin to resent that person. Or you start to resent your self for feeling envious and resentful of a friend. You start feeling crappy about yourself and you enter into a another spiral of self shame and that’s no fun for anyone.

3. GET MOVING. Get up and go for a walk, change your scenery, get outside, turn on some music and dance your little heart out. It’s amazing what moving can do for your mood.

4. Do something nice for someone else.

5. Get Grateful. I put this one last on purpose. Sometimes when you are in the depths of throwing yourself a pity party the last thing you need to hear is what you have to be grateful for. Sometimes this is known as “toxic positivity”. Where you toss aside your “negative” feelings and try to override them with positivity. I say get grateful when you are in the right headspace to do it. Do it often. As it becomes a bigger practice in your life, naturally you’ll feel FOMO less and less.

Okay so, that was fun. Here’s your homework. I’ve never really given homework on this podcast before, but what the heck. This week if you haven’t already begin to establish a gratitude practice. If you need help with getting started you can listen to episode 12- How To Be More Grateful Everyday. You can also download my free guide to getting grateful by going to www.jessielarson.com/podcast/grateful and it’s linked there or by sending me a DM on instagram and I can send it right over to you.

Also take time to notice your emotions as you are scrolling on your social media or even in your daily interactions with people. How are you feeling? Do you need to edit things? Go ahead and make any edits that you need to in order to curate a more positive experience for yourself. You can also check out Episode 4 How To Be More Intentional On Instagram where I go into more detail about making social media a positive experience.

And last but not least, get curious about yourself and kick shame to the curb. Feel all the feelings and dive deep to understand them.

Helpful Links and Other Things
Mentioned in this Episode:

Guide To Getting Grateful
Episode 12: How To Be More Grateful
Episode 4: How To Be More Intentional on Instagram
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Let’s be Friends on the ‘gram!

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