Episode 68: Swapping More Presents out for More Presence

Welcome back to the Positively You Podcast. Thank you so much for tuning in and making time for me today. So, are you done with your Christmas shopping? Haha, are you sick of that question yet?

I’m betting that in the past month or so that you have been asked that or a similar question.

Back in November is was “Have you started yet?”

Now it’s: “Are you done?” or Who else do you have to shop for?

Or What are you getting your kids for Christmas.

Sure, these might just be easy questions for some small talk, but man….its a lot of focus on buy, buy, buy, sales, discounts, shipping concerns, and stressing so much about presents.

This year I’ve decided to really lean in and go the route of swapping out more presents for creating more presence. In the past I’ve paired down, but this year….I’m going in strong.

Partly because I’m super over the commercialism of the holidays and also because I’ve really started to notice that my time, my actual physical presence is really what my kids want the most, (shocker) and not the latest gadget from some gift guide that a random influencer got paid to promote. (sorrynotsorry)

The point really got driven home to me recently. Last year for Christmas, I gave my kids a parent child journal that my friend Camille designed called Time for Us, and no joke….it has been the most used present. Annabelle writes in it almost every night and I love being able to go through it with her and Liam just asked for a new one for next year.

I’m telling you, time and connection is the asbsolute BEST gift you can give. And I think most of us know that, but we get caught up in a couple of hurdles or mind blocks.

Here’s some of mine that I’ve had to overcome and shift my thinking around.

Hurdle ONE:

I used to think if we went the route of “experiences”: instead of gifts, that it meant we needed to do a trip, and I mean a BIG trip, AND that it needed to be on Christmas day to make up for “normal christmas”
I kept putting off doing that because we couldn’t afford the 10,000 dollar Disney Cruise. And I was definitely stuck in a go big, all or nothing mindset. So I continued to fill stockings with stuff and buy more presents to spill out from under the tree.

Solution: Sure, it can be a trip. I mean thats definitely a goal I have on my vision board, but there are so many ways to gift experiences that our fun and in the future. When we gifted the kids Lagoon Passes we created a word scramble that they had to put together.

Gift Cards: Gift it to them with a specific date in mind for the activity so they have something to look forward to.

Science of Anticipation: Having something to look forward to, can actually make you happier! It fires up the feel good hormones in your brain. Joy of anticipation:
Actively imagining, and looking forward to, your best life can actually make you more optimistic, studies show. This mental image can make you just as happy as the experience itself, marriage and family therapist Kimberly Diggles told VICE. “We know anticipating something positive actually helps to maintain dopamine levels in your brain,” she said. “So just the very idea of anticipating something good can physically change your brain chemistry so you feel happy.”

Hurdle Two: The need to have a visually stimulating Christmas morning: (gag)
Christmas movies, social media, and even our own memories of running down the stairs Christmas morning to a room FULL of presents have given us this almost standard of what our Christmas presentation needs to look like. Confession: I bought MORE just so that it would look more aesthecially pleasing. Huge face palm.

Solution: Gotta shift that mindset.

Hurdle Three: Day of let down, once everything is unwrapped and they have “nothing to show for it”

Solution: Have a plan for the day. Gift something you can use or do the day of

Solution: Kids gift to each other- more intentional and thought out.

Solution: Get creative with how you gift it:

The gift I created this year for my kids:

things to consider when gifting experiences

We’ve all been there.. The post holiday itch to burn everything down. You want to tree gone, the decor gone, you need calm and minimalist vibes and you need them now. The post Christmas gift giving has you noticing all the excess, all the new (and old) toys, gadgets, and just stuff taking up space in your house. And before you know it, out come the trash bags, and donation bins, and the very real task of deciding what stays and what goes.

This itch to have a post holiday refresh or declutter is nothing new. And honestly the timing is perfect for it. It’s a new year and it feels good to let things go, to freshen up and clean the house, and just have things feel lighter.

But does anyone else find it just the slightest bit ironic that we all just spent a whole month (or more depending on when you got started shopping) bringing more and more and more into our homes. And now we feel the need to purge?!

In an effort to avoid (or at least lesson) the task of decluttering and filtering out what stays and what gets tossed or donated I’ve wanted to be much more intentional about how we approach gift giving at Christmas time.

And that’s where I’ve landed. TIME.

I think most of us would agree that time is our most valuable asset and probably the most valuable gift we could give. Over the years I’ve heard lots of families talk about gifting trips or experiences instead of presents and I’ve always thought that was a great idea……but not one that I could make work for my family. I had some limiting thoughts around it.

Like, if I was going to give up presents under the tree